Just fell off a train. Bad.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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