Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
