Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
