I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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