I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
