My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
