Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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