That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize