so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
