I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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