and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
