Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
