I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i think im in europe. pls send help
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
