It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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