Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
