I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
