whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize