I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
