Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
