so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
do herpes really smell.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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