so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
