girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
