sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
