I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
