How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
