Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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