just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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