So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
