What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize