I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
