My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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