Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
