So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You're like the curious george of whores
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
