Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
