you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
