My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize