So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
