i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
