Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
