in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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