I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
