I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
