I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
