i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
