I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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