That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
