i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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