I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
