he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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