she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
