I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
