I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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