she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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