I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
