I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
