Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
