So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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