Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My life is pants optional.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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