dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
