Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
