there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
