I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
