i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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