thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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