he thought i was a dude.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
