I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
