Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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