my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
