I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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