I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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