i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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