Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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